Men are all the same! Everywhere! Even in my world. First they lovey dovey you and then when it comes to it, they leave you, with all the seeds of a passionate night in you. They simply take off.
Bruce was his name. I thought he is it. He was so handsome, with his strong muscular legs with the hair blowing in the wind when he stood in front of me. He had me with Hello. How can a cute pretty girl like me withstand THAT! YOU tell ME! And he brought it all. The wolf whistling after me, the courting, and then just taking me in his strong arms and ... do it! Oh I will never forget it. Loved up as I was I actually thought he would build a nest there for our 6 kids a day.
Well one wise Louse guru said once don't hang in the fine hair, just move on to curlier pastures.
I will move on alright.
Now here I am, ready to pop as they say in the Lice world and I am exhausted already. You know its not all easy peasy as with you humans. A man, 9 months pregnant and pop a child or 2. We got to pop about 10 kids a day. You NEED a bit of support there. And then you got them, the first batch and they all hide then all the time. Their favourite pastime... have a guess. Yea Hide and Seek. I mean in the sleek black fields you can pretend: Peek a boo (eyes roll) where is my little Nitsy? Aww here you are, surprise. Or are you Natsy? Yea thats another problem. Our kids look ALL exactly the same. You really have to be careful not to mix them up. So as expected it happened that one day I accidentally took on a few kids of the neighbour. Jeez she was pissed off. She almost kicked me off the scalp where we were living. I barely could hold on a curl springing to my rescue behind the ear. The bitch. She was always showing off as her BEAU was still with her. Yea ha I didn't tell her he was always eyeing up to the posh louse at the next hair. Never will. Ha.
So a few days later I decided to leave all that drama behind me and I packed in a few of my kids and moved out. The rest of my offspring I left to her. She wouldn’t be able to tell them apart from her little shits. Ha let her feed them in her busy 30 day lifespan. I was laughing at the thought of her sweating, trying to keep her 100 kids including mine, at bay. Loved it.
Still giggling I spotted a beautiful field full of hairs flattering like wheat in the wind. Golden locks shining in the sun. Ha that is more me. Let the bitch sweat on her black land and chase her little cheekers.
Sticking my kids to my back I decided to head off to greener pastures.
With a huge leap I landed in the middle of soft silky hair, ready to conquer and settle on it . What a wonderful place. I just reached behind me and ripped off the remaining of my Nits and just threw them all over the place. Wwheeeee - what a joyful picture. That would be the perfect spot to spend the rest of my days.
I mean its not an undangerous place. On a head. Always ducking from big lumpy fingers who try to scratch us from our home or disturb us at dinner time. It usually happened when I was just about to feed the little one. He was not very smart, more after her dad I suppose and she JUST didn't get it how to latch on for a blood smoothie. After a while I found out that a few smacks on the back of her head helped. One, two times her little head swung forward and FINALLY she got it how to suck blood. Jesus this child. She made me age surely a few days every time I had to feed her. I have to admit, she was not my favourite. But what can you do?
Did I mention that our lifespan is usually dramatically short? I lost so many relatives already. To the big wave as we call it. The terrible cruel humans invented something like a wave. Its all foamy and it STINKS. Can you imagine they WANT TO KILL US!! How dare they! I mean many times you can just run in twists and turns and hide behind a curl or a small root tree. But yes the sad truth is I don't know ONE relative who survived THE wave. I will leave them my kids behind though. Ha have fun getting rid of them. I tried it so many times and I can tell you.. not easy. NOT easy. They are SO clingy.
So one sunny day I was just relaxing on a hammock hair I had stretched in between two root trees. My belly was full, feeling really satisfied as I just had savoured a bloody smoothie and I enjoyed the peace and quiet. Where my kids are? Who knows and cares. Probably indulge in their favourite pastime again and clinging to each other. Let them hide so I cant find them anymore. Fine with me.
Just the moment I was laying back and closing my eyes and sniggering imagining the bitch tearing her hair out with wondering where all the kids came from, the sky suddenly darkened.
Pure horror came over me as I knew exactly what that meant. No floppy fingers this time, but a dark smelly cloud approaching. The hairy hammock tossed me dangerously close to the edge of the scalp when I leaped out of it as fast as I could. I nearly fell off the scalp once more. Frantically holding on in the last moment to a string of the hammock to raise myself up again. The dark cloud came closer and I legged it. Running for my life behind the first hair string I could find. What would I give now for dark or black curls. Not even they are the best camouflage, but they also wrapped themselves around you and nobody could spot you at all. And you had a real good strong grip on them. The smell of the dangerous foam was almost touching me and I sensed the breeze of the wave.
Clutching on the hair root tree for life was my only hope. Two not only one, two this time, big hands made it towards me and then whizzed me about. My head was spinning and I felt so dizzy. But the wave had caught up and I was not able to move. I think I never felt more scared in my life. Even with the knowledge what would happen its a big difference if you hear it from one of your relatives or live the terror yourself. When I was rinsed off and flushed into the bath tub with the renowned black hole I just hoped that my Nits would grow up into strong lice and made me proud. I loved them you know. Its just TOO hard work to hate 56 kids... Good bye cruel world!